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Being raised Pentacostal meant adhering to the strictest possible modesty standards. Long before I had any idea of what sex was, I knew that it was a sin for women to wear pants, jewelry, modern clothes, cut their hair, or do anything else that might distinguish them from the illustrations in the “Little House on the Prairie” books I read. The reason given was “modesty” which I understood in the vaguest sense to be a way for women to not exalt themselves or draw attention to themselves. A loud woman was an immodest woman, by my reckoning. I’m sure the church would not have disagreed with me there.
At an older age, however, I was introduced to Josh Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” series, and all of the toxic purity drivel that came with it. Suddenly I had a new idea of modesty. It wasn’t about the woman at all… it was about the man. It was explained to me that men would be caused to sin if they were attracted to me. To think, that a passing glance at an attractive person could condemn an otherwise good man’s soul to hell! It was terrifying to contemplate. Suddenly, women who dressed in modern clothes weren’t just prideful people… they were actively dragging men to their deaths. I admit, I felt hatred towards women who would risk peoples’ lives for the mere sake of looking appealing or feeling good about their bodies.
Now, let me take a break to point out how ludicrous this notion is. Positive body image was being presented to me as something harmful to others. Needless to say, I did not have a positive opinion of my body. In fact, I did not really have much of an awareness of my body at all. I was oblivious of the changes my body was going through and avoided looking at myself in the mirror. The female body was just not something that I felt comfortable looking at… not even my own.
But my skewed vision of my body is a story for another day. In addition to causing me to disdain women who dressed in clothes that showed their form, purity teachings caused me to deeply distrust men. It was very alienating to me to realize that the other sex was constantly on the verge of horrendous sin. It seemed that they were creatures without self-control, who were just waiting to violate me spiritually at any second. After all, there was no distinguishing between attraction and lust in these teachings. Finding someone sexually attractive was, in itself, a sin equivalent with committing adultery. It was little wonder, then, that men suddenly seemed strange, foreign, and dangerous to me. It didn’t help that I had long identified myself more as a man than a woman and enjoyed feeling like “one of the guys”. This divide opening between the two sexes was confusing and dismaying to me, since I no longer felt I could keep one foot in each.
Unintentionally, these beliefs set up men as the enemy. While I was in highschool, a friend of my mother’s thanked my family for making my sister and I dress in baggy, “modest” clothing. “It is so hard for my teenaged boys not to lust after women, and it is a big help that your daughters aren’t tempting them,” she said. Even at the time, I was upset by her words. I felt violated by these disgusting male sinners that might be trying to commit adultery with me in their hearts. “Why can’t they just not lust after me on their own?” I wondered. “Why is it my job to make them not look at me?” Clearly, their mother didn’t understand the difference between attraction and lust either. I feel sorry for these boys, in retrospect, for being taught that their human instincts were basically visual rape of a woman. How guilty they must have been every time they felt any desire.
Being unable to distinguish between attraction and lust also led to a dreadfully warped idea of sexuality. I felt that a relationship could only be fulfilling if the partners were not attracted to each other. After all, any sexual interest would be sin, which would mean the relationship was out of favor with God. Surprise, surprise! I was not attracted to my ex-boyfriend at all, but assumed that this was a sign of a healthy relationship. I stayed in the relationship for over two years, trying to fight away his sexual advances and feeling revulsion anytime that I caved to them. I truly believe that having a healthier view of sexuality could have saved me a lot of unwanted physical contact, because I would at least have been able to recognize my own sexual desires or lack thereof. Instead, I was wrapped up in the moronic idea that my boyfriend pressuring me for sex and me being repulsed by the idea was the way things ought to be. After all, I was a woman and he was a man. Men lust and women do not.
This misunderstanding also tainted my view of homosexuality. I was taught that practicing homosexuals were mentally ill or purposely rebelling against God, but I also assumed that the attraction itself was a sin, not just the sex acts. I honestly suspect that this is the reason that many Christians still condemn homosexuals, without regard to whether or not they are actually having sex. Saying “I am gay” is already akin to committing the act of sodomy in the minds of certain religious people.
I have since come to a much healthier understanding of sexual desire (corresponding in part with coming out as a lesbian). I am not afraid of my attractions, and I am not threatened by the attractions of others. I recognize that a person’s thoughts are not harmful to anyone, so long as their behaviors stay within the appropriate bounds of consent and respect. Attraction is not sexual obsession. Attraction is not mental adultery. Attraction is a healthy, normal part of being human. Claiming otherwise is imposing moral oppression on a child, damaging the way men and women relate to each other, and setting up future relationships to fail or be strained by unrealistic ideas.
At an older age, however, I was introduced to Josh Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” series, and all of the toxic purity drivel that came with it. Suddenly I had a new idea of modesty. It wasn’t about the woman at all… it was about the man. It was explained to me that men would be caused to sin if they were attracted to me. To think, that a passing glance at an attractive person could condemn an otherwise good man’s soul to hell! It was terrifying to contemplate. Suddenly, women who dressed in modern clothes weren’t just prideful people… they were actively dragging men to their deaths. I admit, I felt hatred towards women who would risk peoples’ lives for the mere sake of looking appealing or feeling good about their bodies.
Now, let me take a break to point out how ludicrous this notion is. Positive body image was being presented to me as something harmful to others. Needless to say, I did not have a positive opinion of my body. In fact, I did not really have much of an awareness of my body at all. I was oblivious of the changes my body was going through and avoided looking at myself in the mirror. The female body was just not something that I felt comfortable looking at… not even my own.
But my skewed vision of my body is a story for another day. In addition to causing me to disdain women who dressed in clothes that showed their form, purity teachings caused me to deeply distrust men. It was very alienating to me to realize that the other sex was constantly on the verge of horrendous sin. It seemed that they were creatures without self-control, who were just waiting to violate me spiritually at any second. After all, there was no distinguishing between attraction and lust in these teachings. Finding someone sexually attractive was, in itself, a sin equivalent with committing adultery. It was little wonder, then, that men suddenly seemed strange, foreign, and dangerous to me. It didn’t help that I had long identified myself more as a man than a woman and enjoyed feeling like “one of the guys”. This divide opening between the two sexes was confusing and dismaying to me, since I no longer felt I could keep one foot in each.
Unintentionally, these beliefs set up men as the enemy. While I was in highschool, a friend of my mother’s thanked my family for making my sister and I dress in baggy, “modest” clothing. “It is so hard for my teenaged boys not to lust after women, and it is a big help that your daughters aren’t tempting them,” she said. Even at the time, I was upset by her words. I felt violated by these disgusting male sinners that might be trying to commit adultery with me in their hearts. “Why can’t they just not lust after me on their own?” I wondered. “Why is it my job to make them not look at me?” Clearly, their mother didn’t understand the difference between attraction and lust either. I feel sorry for these boys, in retrospect, for being taught that their human instincts were basically visual rape of a woman. How guilty they must have been every time they felt any desire.
Being unable to distinguish between attraction and lust also led to a dreadfully warped idea of sexuality. I felt that a relationship could only be fulfilling if the partners were not attracted to each other. After all, any sexual interest would be sin, which would mean the relationship was out of favor with God. Surprise, surprise! I was not attracted to my ex-boyfriend at all, but assumed that this was a sign of a healthy relationship. I stayed in the relationship for over two years, trying to fight away his sexual advances and feeling revulsion anytime that I caved to them. I truly believe that having a healthier view of sexuality could have saved me a lot of unwanted physical contact, because I would at least have been able to recognize my own sexual desires or lack thereof. Instead, I was wrapped up in the moronic idea that my boyfriend pressuring me for sex and me being repulsed by the idea was the way things ought to be. After all, I was a woman and he was a man. Men lust and women do not.
This misunderstanding also tainted my view of homosexuality. I was taught that practicing homosexuals were mentally ill or purposely rebelling against God, but I also assumed that the attraction itself was a sin, not just the sex acts. I honestly suspect that this is the reason that many Christians still condemn homosexuals, without regard to whether or not they are actually having sex. Saying “I am gay” is already akin to committing the act of sodomy in the minds of certain religious people.
I have since come to a much healthier understanding of sexual desire (corresponding in part with coming out as a lesbian). I am not afraid of my attractions, and I am not threatened by the attractions of others. I recognize that a person’s thoughts are not harmful to anyone, so long as their behaviors stay within the appropriate bounds of consent and respect. Attraction is not sexual obsession. Attraction is not mental adultery. Attraction is a healthy, normal part of being human. Claiming otherwise is imposing moral oppression on a child, damaging the way men and women relate to each other, and setting up future relationships to fail or be strained by unrealistic ideas.
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To all homophobes
As they talk, how they think,
they believe, what they say,
only an expression of their nothingness.
Nothingness which they think,
To judge us.
Nothingness which they mean,
To tell us what is right.
To direct as they want,
to what we are not.
Of their void thinking,
they are not self-aware.
Too deep it is in them,
the compulsion to turn
and want to break.
Danger, a foreign word,
they do not fear.
They are safe of being.
They are protected.
The supporters of them,
are blinded of the same thing,
such as those of nothingness.
Are driven by the idea,
To conserve the nothingness.
Yet they all are taken,
from the resentment they d
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Marriage Equality
I just want you to imagine with me for a moment.
Imagine you've found a person that completes you, that makes you feel happiness that you never thought possible.
They make you laugh.
They wipe away your tears.
You melt in their embrace.
Their kisses leave you breathless.
Their body, mind and soul, fit yours in what can only be described as perfection. To say you're in love with this person, is almost an understatement. You adore them. Everything they are, and everything they do.
Finally, the time in your lives comes when you want to be bonded together in a meaningful, significant way. You want to get married.
Now imagine, that you enc
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God Loves LGBT
Hate.
I hate you!
I hate life!
She hates me
Why does everything hate me?
Painful phrases
Angry, lonely, sad
But none other can compare to this
""God Hates You""
Stop.
Right.
There.
God
Does
NOT
HATE
God is LOVE
He loves everybody. He loves me, He loves you, He loves the people on Death Row, He loves the starving children in Africa. He loves straight people, gay people, transgender people, bisexual people, unsure people. If you are you, He loves you. You are His child! You are the most precious thing He has, and He loves you. Why would He hate you if He made you like that in the first place? That would be dumb and
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Continuing with my "Signs you are a Sheltered Evangelical" series, here is the entry on sexual attraction as a sin. It is hard for me to put in concise words how many things are wrong with this sort of teaching. I hope that this touches on some of the main problems. Anyone who has more to say on the matter is welcome!
As usual, stay civil, no dismissals/jeering/blaming on my personal experiences, or I will block and tell you to learn some manners. Otherwise, feel free to discuss!
As usual, stay civil, no dismissals/jeering/blaming on my personal experiences, or I will block and tell you to learn some manners. Otherwise, feel free to discuss!
© 2013 - 2024 EternalGeekExposed
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Hi, friend! I hope you don't mind me posting my views here.
The Bible teaches us that God did not simply spawn us into existence. He formed us; that is to say that each of us has been diligently crafted. Therefore, the beauty of a woman's soft curves or of a man's broad shoulders are not the result of sinful deformation - they are the deliberate works of God. Considering that men and women were created with their differences in order to provide companionship for each other, I like to think that we were made beautifully, not only that we could glory in our own beauty, but for others to enjoy us as well. However, that enjoyment should take place in the correct context, and that is where the necessity of modest dress comes into play. When sin was introduced into the world, our minds were introduced to the ideas of lust and so its necessary for us to dress properly in order to not encourage others to sin. Each one is responsible for his own thoughts and actions, but we are also supposed to conduct ourselves in such a way as to not bring about tempations for others.
There is no sin in looking at a woman and thinking, "Oh, she has lovely thighs". The sin is in going on to think what it would be like to caress her thighs, then to undress her, and finally to have sex with her. Men experience attraction that way, so women are asked to dress appropriately, so as not to stir them up needlessly. Likewise, women are stimulated by touch, and there is a passage that says that it is good for a man not touch a woman (paraphrased). Men are also encouraged not to spur on women. Of course, not every touch stimulates sexual desire, and not every look develops into lust; but to make things easy for everyone, we're commanded to each mortify our flesh a little for the others' benefit.
We begin to encounter problems because of man's desire to classify things into good and bad, right and wrong, rather than to exercise patience and diligently seek the heart of God on matters. We end up with imperfect, man-made rules that cause hurt and suffering to many.
I sincerely believe that God is not pleased with these things. He wouldn't want us to feel resentful or ashamed of ourselves after He took the time to create us so carefully. I know what it's like - I used to be upset with my parents' obsession with concealing my hips and rear under my clothes. Blessed with a generous derriere, this was quite impossible for me to do. But God made me beautiful; He couldn't be pleased that I was resentful of my behind.
Those are my two cents on the matter. I hope they can help to add up to a dollar.
The Bible teaches us that God did not simply spawn us into existence. He formed us; that is to say that each of us has been diligently crafted. Therefore, the beauty of a woman's soft curves or of a man's broad shoulders are not the result of sinful deformation - they are the deliberate works of God. Considering that men and women were created with their differences in order to provide companionship for each other, I like to think that we were made beautifully, not only that we could glory in our own beauty, but for others to enjoy us as well. However, that enjoyment should take place in the correct context, and that is where the necessity of modest dress comes into play. When sin was introduced into the world, our minds were introduced to the ideas of lust and so its necessary for us to dress properly in order to not encourage others to sin. Each one is responsible for his own thoughts and actions, but we are also supposed to conduct ourselves in such a way as to not bring about tempations for others.
There is no sin in looking at a woman and thinking, "Oh, she has lovely thighs". The sin is in going on to think what it would be like to caress her thighs, then to undress her, and finally to have sex with her. Men experience attraction that way, so women are asked to dress appropriately, so as not to stir them up needlessly. Likewise, women are stimulated by touch, and there is a passage that says that it is good for a man not touch a woman (paraphrased). Men are also encouraged not to spur on women. Of course, not every touch stimulates sexual desire, and not every look develops into lust; but to make things easy for everyone, we're commanded to each mortify our flesh a little for the others' benefit.
We begin to encounter problems because of man's desire to classify things into good and bad, right and wrong, rather than to exercise patience and diligently seek the heart of God on matters. We end up with imperfect, man-made rules that cause hurt and suffering to many.
I sincerely believe that God is not pleased with these things. He wouldn't want us to feel resentful or ashamed of ourselves after He took the time to create us so carefully. I know what it's like - I used to be upset with my parents' obsession with concealing my hips and rear under my clothes. Blessed with a generous derriere, this was quite impossible for me to do. But God made me beautiful; He couldn't be pleased that I was resentful of my behind.
Those are my two cents on the matter. I hope they can help to add up to a dollar.