Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
TW: Mild self-harm

I was spanked as a child.  I was a well-behaved youngster who needed little discipline and was generally obedient and respectful to the best of my ability.  I can probably count the number of times I was spanked on my fingers.  I was not scarred for life by this ordeal, I am well-adjusted, and I have never reacted by being violent to others.  To all appearances, I am a testament to the value of the practice of spanking.

And yet, I oppose it.  Vehemently.

This was not always so.  For most of my life, I assumed that spanking was a generally useful practice that taught kids to expect consequences to their actions.  It promoted personal responsibility, I was told, and enforced respect.  I fully expected that I would spank my own children (hopefully not often).  I further expected that children who were not spanked would likely be unruly, disrespectful, and lack a sense of responsibility and self-control.

However, as I began to reassess the value of the authoritarian parenting style that I was raised with (which did NOT leave me well-adjusted) I began to confront my perceptions of spanking as well.  What lessons had I really learned from these punishments?  Were the changes it wrought in my behavior actually positive?  Or can I contribute my good behavior primarily to other parenting methods instead?

I clearly recall how the punishment was carried out.  I was informed of my error and I would generally apologize.  My mother would accept my apology, but if the error was severe enough, she would indicate that I was to be spanked as a punishment.  I would be told to fetch  the big wooden spoon from the kitchen and I would go into her bedroom.  She would close the door and tell me that she loved me, but she needed to do this anyway.  I would be told to bend over and she would strike my backside with the spoon.  Generally, I would feel humiliated enough that I would not want to cry in front of her, so I would hold my tears in as long as possible.  However, before long, I would always give in and cry out, and my mother would hit me only one more time before setting the spoon aside and then holding me.  She would tell me again and again that she loved me and calm my tears until I had stopped crying.  The punishment was now over.

By the standards of most spanking advocates, my mother did everything right.  She never left marks or bruising that I was aware of.  I was no longer sore within 5 minutes of the spanking or so.  The punishments were always coupled with loving words and assurances that I still had her affections.  And yet, they did me absolutely no good.  Indeed, they taught me several lessons that were quite counterproductive to my moral and ethical development.

Spanking did not teach me to accept consequences; it taught me to avoid them.

Spanking causes pain and humiliation, but more than anything, it causes a fear and dread.  Most children will avoid that fear at any cost.  Sometimes this meant behaving well to avoid punishments.  But at other times, when I had either misbehaved or simply made a mistake, I learned to try to silence my conscience and hide my misdeed rather than owning up to it.  As a clear testament to this, I recall an incident when I was probably only 4 or 5 years old.  I had just been playing around in the bathroom and somehow ended up getting toilet paper strewn around the floor.  I left the mess behind when I got distracted by something (I was a very absent-minded child) and it was discovered later by my mother.  She called the whole family into the bathroom and asked who had made the mess.  I distinctly recall a pang of fear as I considered the possibility that an admission of guilt could result in a spanking.  I wanted to tell my mother that it was me and to apologize for it, but the fear was too great.  Instead, thinking myself very clever, I asked “what will happen to the person who says they did it?”

"Nothing except they will have to clean it up," she responded.

"Oh, well in that case, I did it."

And there lies the first problem with spanking.  I was fully willing to take responsibility for my mistake and even make it right by cleaning up the mess I had left.  But while the threat of physical pain and humiliation was held over my head, I shut my conscience off and was ready to lie.  And lie I did, about the glass bowl that I broke years later.  I was never found out.

This is not a productive result of a training method that is intended to INCREASE personal responsibility.  Reasonable consequences that allow the child to make up for the mistake that they made are much more likely to be effective.  That leads me to my second lesson.

You can’t make up for your mistakes; you can only suffer for them.

Now, I will be the first to admit that there are plenty of mistakes in real life that cannot be fixed.  Sometimes you just have to deal with the consequences.  But even so, approaching every mistake with this defeatist mindset is a sure way to destroy your life.  A healthy person approaches every mistake with an openness to correcting it, or at least making the best of it.  Anytime we fail at something or harm someone, our response should be to say “I am so sorry… how can I make it better?”

But spanking was a discouragement of this kind of thought, for me.  I was not spanked often, but when I was, it was always a sign that my crime must have been too grievous to make right.  Apologies, offers to fix things, attempts to ease the damage that I had done were useless.  All that was left for me was physical punishment.  Pain would atone for me.  I could not atone for myself.

The last spanking that I can remember occurred when I was probably 9 or 10.  I had gotten distracted while doing my morning chores before school and started goofing off.  Again, absent-mindedness and distraction were common themes in my childhood… and adulthood for that matter.  My mother always required that we start homeschool at precisely 8:00am.  When my goofing off led me to miss that deadline, I was due for punishment.  My mother came upstairs and saw me laughing with my sister while I fidgeted around with the bed I was supposed to be making.  She scolded me angrily and told me that I was already late for school and my bed wasn’t even made yet.  Startled, I apologized, told her I had lost track of the time, apologized some more, and then offered to make my bed faster.  She did tell me to finish making my bed.  And when I was finished, she said, I should come downstairs for a spanking.

That was always a heart-wrenching feeling.  It didn’t matter if I was sorry, or if I promised to do better, or if I made my bed on time for the rest of the week, or if I even offered to make hers for her to make up for it.  I had sinned, and the only proper punishment was physical pain.  Indeed, forgiveness could not be obtained from my mother until she hit me and made me cry.  It seemed unjust to me, but more than anything, it was heartbreaking for a young child.  I truly wanted to make my mother happy and to do right by her.  But, when spankings became involved, there was no way to make it right anymore.  It was only my fate to accept the pain in order to be forgiven and returned to my valued place in the family.  That is a horrible lesson to teach a child.  It is also a dangerous lesson, because…

Spanking teaches children that violence and humiliation can be deserved.

I have never been physically abused by anyone.  I suspect I am quite lucky in this regard.  However, I have physically abused myself.  And when I did, I thought of it as a method of atonement.  Can I trace this mindset reliably back to my parents spanking me?  Perhaps not.  I suspect that many other factors played a greater role in my self-destructive habits, including sheltering and authoritarian principles.  However, I think it is likely that the mindset instilled in my by using spanking as a punishment was a contributing factor.

When I was 23 years old, I came out to my family.  I was already in graduate school on the other side of the Atlantic from my parents.  We spent many hours discussing the topic of homosexuality on the phone, arguing over scriptures and opinions, and often crying over harsh words and cruel remarks.  Despite all of this, I felt compelled to come home for a Summer to try to talk to my parents face-to-face, help them come to terms with my sexual identity, and heal the family wounds.

Instead of offers of peace, however, I was met with militant efforts to fix me.  My access to the internet and phone were restricted, I was shamed into being silent about what was happening, I was harangued and bullied daily by my parents, and I was blamed for “destroying the family”.  I honestly believed every accusation they threw at me, and I began to feel I had made myself too worthless to be redeemed.  I couldn’t make things right.  So, I decided I deserved to be hurt.

I restrained myself from causing too much damage, largely because I didn’t want my family to be able to recognize the marks.  I would kick my shins against the end-table in the living room to raise welts and bruises.  I would scratch at the skin on my stomach, upper thighs, and arms to make myself bleed.  I felt like I deserved to hurt; I deserved violence.  I deserved their humiliation.  I deserved their emotional abuse.  All of it, I deserved.

And why shouldn’t I?  My family had always taught me never to let anyone hurt me, always to respect myself, and always to stand up for myself.  But yet, they crossed those boundaries repeatedly when I was a child.  I was taught that there WERE situations where violence, humiliation, and a lack of self-respect were deserved.  Those were the situations when I had been bad.  I was a bad child.  I deserved pain.  Is it so hard to imagine that these toxic thoughts could have carried over into my adulthood?  Is it possible that I was horrifically susceptible to abuse by my parents because of some of the lessons that corporeal punishment taught me?  I think it is likely.

Let me offer some fundamental pieces of advice.  You should always be honest enough to own up to your mistakes.  You should always try to make those mistakes right.  And you NEVER deserve violence or humiliation… not from anyone else, and not from yourself.  I think most people would agree with the statements above.  But then, if I truly believe these things, why would I advocate for a form of punishment that taught me the opposite?

I do not believe my parents abused me as a child.  They were loving.  They were faithful.  They were gentle.  They were wonderful parents, in many ways.  But their choice to spank me was unwise.  It didn’t ruin me.  It didn’t cause me to become violent or socially repressed or less intelligent.  But it was not healthy.  We need not talk in extremes in order to still condemn a practice that is teaching children unhealthy lessons.  I can do better than the last generation.  I will not spank my children.
I hear a lot of theoretical or ethical arguments about spanking ("it advocates violence" or "if you wouldn't hit an adult you shouldn't hit a child"). All of these arguments are very valid and good, but I find they are ineffective at actually reaching a spanking advocate. Usually, they can always argue "but it works, as long as you do it right." Well, that's why I want to put forth my personal experiences with spanking. My parents "did it right" by all standards I've heard. And it was still wrong for me. Comments welcome, but no attacks. Thank you!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcfood:
CFood Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2016  Hobbyist Artist
Well my search for erotica lead to this first thing, not what my mind was on, but it's a useful topic so I'll respond.

I don't really see the point in it.  As others probably have pointed out, every child is different and to make a one size fits all response is to starkly oppose that fact.  But keeping that in mind I only have experience with two types of children, myself and my sister.

For my sister, such as you, it was overkill.  She was a sweet child, and merely learning the fact she did something wrong was gonna put her on tears and she'd always shape up and not do that again, or try not to, so it was never an act.  So what is really the point?  She learned her lesson and stopped doing the bad thing so why spank her?

For myself, I was pretty thick headed.  Didn't matter what happened, or the threat of what would happen, I was gonna do what I wanted to do.  For the most part that wasn't doing wrong, but quite frequently I'd get mad and lose it and do shit I otherwise wouldn't.  It was a waste of time, spanking me hurt my father's hand more than it hurt me, wasted his time and energy, and I still did the same shit that he just punished me for, usually an angry outburst but whatever.

In either case, it's just a waste of time, and we still feel like shit by the mere fact that our father was disappointed in us.
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2016
Haha quite a few people have found it the same way so you're not alone.  I agree that every child will respond differently, but I think that hitting children is always a bad thing (with decades of research to back that up).  I thought it would be worthwhile to offer my own experience with having it done "right" though, since the most common argument I hear when I bring up all of that research is "those parents just weren't doing it right."  It sounds like your experience matches up with mine; regardless of if it's done "right" it's still not helping.  In fact, it is a net negative.
Reply
:iconunicorn92243:
Unicorn92243 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2016
The thing is that different punishments work for different kids. So what about the kids where no other punishment but spanking seems to work on them? There are children who are that stubborn. I suppose some people would probably suggest a child like that see a psychiatrist, and they may be right, but I am interested to know your opinion on that.

I myself was spanked in a violent, abusive, unfair manner when I was a child, (and abused many other different ways as well) and when I grew older and found out that some children were spanked the "right" way, it made me wish I could've been punished like that. That I could've felt disciplined but loved. 

I think maybe there is no one true way to raise children. What works for some people won't work for others. I think the most important thing is that a child feels loved, however a parent chooses to discipline them. As long as that discipline isn't abusive. Everyone has different opinions on this subject, and I think we just need to respect one another's opinion and agree to disagree sometimes. Though maybe since I was abused I'm just confused about the subject.
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2016
I think if the only way to get a child's attention is to hit them, there's much larger problems at hand that need to be addressed.  There are children that are stubborn, yes, but why would you want to teach them the lesson that physical violence against them is an acceptable response?  Chances are, if they have extremely deep-seated problems with authority, hitting them is going to make those problems worse, even if it buys you some short-term compliance.  It will simply reinforce that parents can't be trusted and authority is only authority due to the ability to inflict harm.  That's not a good reason for your child to obey you.

Now, that's not to say that one swat on the behind a few times is as bad as being punched in the face every day.  Of course it's not.  But they're both just various levels of the same thing: trying to control a child with violence and pain.  And I think that entire premise is flawed and unethical and harmful, and my experience as well as long-term studies back that up.  If someone spanks I don't think they're automatically a terrible parent.  I do think they are doing something not-good though and I wish more parents would realize there are other, better ways to parent that don't involve violence at all.

I'm really sorry you were abused.  No one deserves that.
Reply
:iconunicorn92243:
Unicorn92243 Featured By Owner Edited Aug 8, 2016
I don't really agree that spanking automatically equals violence, but I do respect your opinion. 

I've read plenty of articles for and against spanking and the reasons why. I think I'm still kind of on the fence about it, though your notes on it have made me think about it more than anything else I've ever read. I do agree with some of the points you made though. 

Spanking didn't work for you and I'm sorry that it made you feel like it did. I have met kids however that said they'd rather be spanked than other punishments because spanking is over with quickly while other kinds of punishments like grounding is held over their heads for days or weeks. 

If someone does use spanking I think it should only be used sparingly for something like doing something dangerous but that's just me. I hope that doesn't make you think I'm a bad person.

I myself have never spanked a child and I probably never will since I doubt I'll ever have children of my own and I wouldn't ever spank someone else's child. But if I did have children, I think for the most part I would try other methods besides spanking because it's so easy to go too far with it even if you don't mean to.

Whatever kind of discipline a parent uses my advice would be, if you can't be patient, don't have children. My mother would get impatient very quickly and scream at me if I couldn't do something correctly right away. I couldn't even have her help me with my homework because if I didn't understand it right away she'd yell at me and make me feel stupid. I would be called names, sworn at, and compared to her ex husband who she talked about as if he was trash, which made me feel like trash too.

When I WAS spanked by her I'd usually be screamed at, grabbed, spanked hard then yelled at to go to my room. Half the time I wasn't even told what I did wrong and I would have no idea. I would simply run to my room in terror and cry under the covers. Sometimes I think I didn't do anything wrong. I was just there when she was in a bad mood and it didn't take much to make her snap. I would also be slapped across the face sometimes or she would grab my arm so tightly it left bruises. 

She also used animals against me. I loved animals and she knew it. She would forbid me to help a hurt animal or would neglect an animal herself in order to upset me.

The worst thing she ever did was when I was six years old. We adopted a dog from a shelter. What we didn't know was that she was pregnant. After she had the puppies my mother showed them to me and got me all excited and happy about them. She then announced that she was going to have them all put down. Shocked and horrified I begged her not to. Her response was, the dog or the puppies, choose. Of course I chose to keep my new best friend. She took the puppies away to the vet and when she returned she described to me exactly how they died when they were given the shots to euthanize them. I was completely traumatized. It was the worst thing she ever did to me, and it's something I will never forget. 

I wasn't allowed to stand up for myself either. If I tried my mother said I was talking back and I'd be punished. I wasn't even allowed to say something wasn't fair. I also wasn't allowed to really express my emotions. If I slammed a door in anger I was punished. If I cried I was yelled at. So in secret I would take my anger out on my toys by beating them up or I would cry in silence so I wouldn't be heard. To this day I have trouble standing up for myself, I dread confrontations, I have trouble expressing my emotions, and sometimes I even have trouble respectfully disagreeing with someone else's opinion because I had it brain washed into me at a young age that doing so would lead to something bad happening to me. 

I was also kept as isolated as possible. I had to come home right after school, I was rarely allowed to go to another child's house, and I was discouraged from bringing a child over. It was like I was constantly grounded and because of this I was never truly socialized properly. Which is probably partly why I was badly bullied at school. I had no idea how to relate to other people. I pretty much grew up afraid of everyone. Even now I tend to be a loner because being around other people tends to make me nervous, and that's even after going through a ton of therapy.

I'm physically unable to have children and I would only ever consider adopting if I was sure I was able to handle raising a child. With the abuse I've gone through I'm wary about it because I would NEVER want to risk hurting a child like I was hurt. I'd rather never have children at all if there's even the slightest chance of it. Even if spanking is never used or even if you never lay a finger on a child emotional abuse is just as bad. I'll never forget how little I was or how helpless I felt. 
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2016
To be honest, I don't think grounding is generally a great practice either, although at least it's non-violent.  I think that, ideally, punishments should be minimized and children should instead be encouraged in good behavior and should be taught the reasons that we disallow bad behavior and be allowed to face the natural consequences (within reason).  This is how I intend to raise my own child (I will also be adopting as my wife and I do not have compatible parts for reproducing!).

Although I was not physically abused, I was emotionally abused and developmentally stunted as a child and then intensely emotionally abused once I became an adult, resulting in severe symptoms of C-PTSD and almost causing me to take my life.  I am in a much better place now, but this has definitely taught me to rethink how I view the dynamics of child and parent and parenting methods.  In short, my parenting goal is that I want my child to grow up into a functioning, happy adult with a strong sense of self, confidence to assert their own needs, beliefs, feelings and boundaries, and the skills and empathy to understand and respect others.  I wish to teach them from day 1 that they have a right to their own emotions and thought life, the right to stand up for and advocate for themselves (even to me).  I want them to know that anything I tell them to do or not to do they have a right to know why.  I want them to be able to learn how to respect others and be responsible by seeing it modeled around them rather than just by me telling them "do this" or "don't do that."  I want them to appreciate the space they take up in the world and how it affects others in order to make healthy decisions once I am no longer there  to tell them what to do.  Spanking my child definitely won't be a part of any of this.

Your own story sounds horrifying and I am truly sorry that you suffered through that.  I am glad that you have gotten to a better place, but as we both know, shit like this doesn't just disappear.  No child deserves to be shown disdain and cruelty from the people who are supposed to love and protect us.  I hope that you will continue to take care of yourself (yay therapy!)  Thank you for sharing your story with me.
Reply
:iconunicorn92243:
Unicorn92243 Featured By Owner Edited Aug 9, 2016
Strangely enough I do have a bit of a spanking fetish now. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me after the abuse I suffered to have a fetish like that, but I studied up on psychology that says that people who were spanked as children, whether in an abusive way or not, often grow up to have this fetish, though not always of course. I do like reading and writing many different kinds of spanking fiction, but that's for fiction only! I would only condone that with two consenting adults in real life. (I'm not a pedophile I swear. Don't hate me. I don't even like pedophile fiction stories because they make me feel really uncomfortable.) 

I was suicidal for a good portion of my life and I too was diagnosed with PTSD as well as Bipolar Disorder. The PTSD was caused by the abuse and the Bipolar Disorder might have been, I don't really know since it can be hereditary but I did start getting symptoms at an early age. I finally cut my family out of my life completely two and a half years ago. Something I wish I didn't have to do but was necessary for my emotional and mental health. 

I too am sorry for everything you went through. Nobody deserves to be made to feel that way. I am doing much better these days and I'm glad you are too.

The fact that you want all children, including your own, to grow up happy, healthy, and protected, makes me wish more people could be that way. I greatly respect you for that. I hope life continues to get better for you. 
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2016
Thank you!  Wishing you all the best!
Reply
:iconminisissyboy:
minisissyboy Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2016
I tend to call spanking what it is-hitting.  It is assault when used on an adult and assault when used on a minor.  No excuse.
Reply
:iconbikinilover1000:
BikiniLover1000 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2016
It is very interesting that so many who are into adult consensual spanking are opposed to spanking children. In fact , some spanking sites forbid discussion of it, or the posting of fiction that involves the spanking of minors.
 Part of it is the acknowledgement that there is a sexual undercurrent to the practice,especially if it involves older children or teens. 
 Then again, many enjoy reading fiction describing something they would not want to see in real life. Like a mother paddling her teenage daughter for a too-revealing bikini ,or a husband spanking an errant wife, like John Wayne in McLintock.
 
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2016
I'm guessing that they ban fiction involving the spanking of minors because, on a site intended for sexual gratification, including minors is wildly inappropriate and could be child pornography.
Reply
Hidden by Owner
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner May 9, 2016
Random insults with no content will get you banned.  Thanks for playing.
Reply
:icon95jeh:
95JEH Featured By Owner May 2, 2016
Wow, this was very interesting to read. I am a child who has never been spanked. I know a few of my friends that has been a handfull of times or more. And I got one friend who has children, and she spanks her children if they won't snap out of their rage or temper tantrums. Now since I never have been spanked but only got a pat on my butt by my great grandparents or grandparents, and we would just giggle, I have always been interested in the subject.
I was grown up with my single mother, and she was very young, so she was often stressed and used her voice most of the time. (Sometimes it was pretty scary, and many times I wouldn't tell her if something bad has happened, sometimes I still have trouble with it)
But I have always been raised to be respectful, kind, honest and strong. But it also made me shy and careful what to say or do.
I won't use it against my children either, I don't believe in spanking. But for who does, I don't object, but I won't allow them to spank my children. 
My only biggest opinion is: Use spanking carefully and no marks :)
Reply
:iconhuhah:
huhah Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2016
A balanced viewpoint would assess the positives of spanking as well.  I'm betting the things you got spanked for were not things you tended to repeat.  It's supposed to be disasteful enough to make you think twice and remember.

If you put your hand in a fire, reality teaches you a lesson that won't make you do it again.  When it comes to human conduct there are many cases where reality doesn't met out any immediate consequence, and you can get away with it.  In other words, reality can be a poor teacher, teach you that there aren't consequences for your actions.  When other humans pick up that slack and take on that responsibility is where punishment occurs.

"you NEVER deserve violence or humiliation… not from anyone else, and not from yourself.  I think most people would agree with the statements above."

Rubbish.  I can think of a few serial killers and child molesters I'd like to whip until there's nothing left under the whip.  The idea of being "above it" is a toxic kind of conceit.  It suggests that you can be too good for punishment regardless of what you do.
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2016
Nope, I did all of the things I was spanked for again that I can recall.

I didn't call this post "the pros and cons of spanking".  I called it "why I oppose spanking."  So of course I'm not talking about pros of spanking, especially because I don't see any.

I also never said that punishment is bad.  I said hitting children is bad.  You can punish children without hitting them, and you can teach children in many cases without punishing them.

Fortunately for our society, torture is illegal even for prisoners and criminals.  Thus, no matter what violence you want to do to them, it is not legal to do so, and for good reason.  No one said that child molesters or anyone else is "too good for punishment," but rather that violence is wrong unless there is no other choice.  I rarely update anymore and don't feel like arguing with violence-obsessed people who mischaracterize my arguments, so I think I'll be bidding you goodbye.
Reply
:iconquizzaciously:
Quizzaciously Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2016  Student Digital Artist
I'm very debating about this. I think spanking would make a child associate wrong doing with pain, preventing them from wanting to do wrong.

On the other hand, you made a lot of great points. And If I were to discipline a child, it would be out of love. I don't want to abuse them. And if you spank a child, it should never be out of anger. But I think that there are better ways to punish rather than soanking.

But still debating ^^;
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2016
Indeed, there are always other ways to correct behavior than spanking and fortunately a lot of resources nowadays to help people learn other and better ways.
Reply
Hidden by Owner
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2016
Your own fault for clicking on it and reading it.
Reply
Hidden by Owner
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2016
Lol kiddo...
Reply
:iconswanseagirl:
SwanseaGirl Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2016
A friend of mine has always said that the more parents use this sort of punishment, the more harm it will do to the kids in the future, my friend has became a dark shadow of his former happy and enjoyable self. 32, he still feels he was a accadentle birth and would take the path down to killing himself than accept his childhood or help...
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2016
I'm very sorry to hear that.  I hope that he can find help some day.
Reply
:iconswanseagirl:
SwanseaGirl Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2016
Though we may not be able to see the future, we do see who our friends and family will become through their actions. My friend, is a loyal and caring friend, he would do anything to keep friendships he may make along the way, and believe a change in the way kids are dealt with would make for the better. And, I hope he dose too.
Reply
:iconheyitsdonnie:
HeyitsDonnie Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I generally believe in spanking but I'm super picky about it. Like, there are kids nowadays I see who are SO misbehaved and super bratty that I feel like a tap on the butt would get their attention XD

So, in a way, I do agree with your points... even tho I still think that spanking could be used ON RARE OCCASSIONS. It's really difficult to explain exactly when to use the spanking., i'm not saying that you HAVE to or that its necessary..but I believe it all really depends on the situation, such as kids deliberately doing something dangerous that risks their lives after being warned many times, AND depending on the child. Some children really can learn to behave well with just a simple scolding while others...requires a little "kick" haha xD

I mean, that story about you losing track of time in making your bed/doing morning chores ...well, I personally think that a spanking was NOT necessary there, especially since you were 9-10 years old...though you were old enough to know that tardiness isn't acceptable but you were also still young enough to get easily distracted and fool around...so I think making you deal with the consequence of trying to do your work on a short time limit or even reducing your break time to make up for the time you missed would be punishable enough xD

I was spanked as a kid...my family are latinos XD ....and my mom is very old fashioned, she was raised in 50s/60s so obviously she has old traditions. As I'm sure you're aware, no parents are perfect, they will make wrong choices and will make mistakes. So obviously, there were times where my mom spanked me and even as a kid...I thought they were  stupid or invalid/unfair reasons. Sure enough, it did made me avoid being open with her and did made me hide my misdoings to avoid getting my ass beaten. So like I said, I do agree with you in that department.

But there were times where the spanking did teach me. Like when I was 11 or 12 and was going thru the 'i hate the world' phase, I disrespected my mom by indicating that she was stupid and even tho she kept warning me to watch what I say, I kept on going and getting more aggressive/disrespectful until she smacked my mouth hard.  That's when I knew I was going too far.

But my mom didn't ALWAYS spank me. When I was  6, I stole a toy and got caught by my mom. She made me confess to the clerk and then when we went home she showed me stories and news articles about thieves and what happens to them and how mistrusting it is. ...eeehhh....I continued stealin. xD BUT I STOPPED WHEN I REACHED 13 .I'm not bad...I swear.

All in all, we all have different opinions. Your points were interesting and they were excellent points so it did made me think more about it. As I said before, depending on the situation and child, spanking could be used but shouldn't be the first or only option. I would love to have kids one day, but even before reading your article I never really considered spanking my own children if I ever had any. But keeping your points in mind, I would definitely think about other methods. I probably am sounding super contradicting and/or confusing. It's a pretty difficult topic to discuss.
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2016
It is a complicated topic and I agree that different circumstances lead to different results.  I'm glad you're thinking about it and I support you making your own decisions with all the information you can get!
Reply
:iconkaritbb:
KariTBB Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2015  Student General Artist
You've raised some interesting points. I generally believe in spanking though I think it is rarely ever necessary (I've made the best experiences with asking nicely rather than ordering something). But you've made me think here and there. I still believe there are situations where a spanking is the safer option but what you said should is relevant.

That aside though, your family's reaction to your coming out is out of the question. And I also believe the harsh reaction you experienced would have led you to self harm, even if they had not spanked you. If someone you love suddenly makes you feel like a piece of trash, you'll break, no matter how they treated you before. It is a no-go and something no parent should ever do to their child. I hope that they realized that it isn't their buisness who you are and that you can live more peacefully now...
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2015
Hi!  Thanks for the comment and for thinking on this.  I agree, my family's reaction was pretty terrible.  I am living more peacefully now, although that is because they decided to cut me out of their life completely (to be fair, it was at least partly a mutual decision since I was tired of their constant attempts to "fix" me and refusal to respect my requests that they stop.)  It's a shame that it comes to this, but sometimes you have to look out for yourself.  All the best!
Reply
:iconsabellie:
Sabellie Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2015
You need to talk to someone I know, he's a self-harmer and has made it clear he has suicidal thoughts. 
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2015
If he needs support, he's always welcome to message me.  However, the best thing for him is to have support from his friends and a mental health professional.  I'm hoping for all the best for your friend.
Reply
:iconsabellie:
Sabellie Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2015
He's been through the whole lot, but I'll try and get him to message you. 
Reply
:icondarksiderdarmoset:
DarksiderDarmoset Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015  Student Digital Artist
You'll like it when you're older
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015
Uh, how much older?
Reply
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:
librarian-of-hell Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Don't have kids. Problem solved.
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2015
Fair.  I plan to adopt, so it's relevant to me.
Reply
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:
librarian-of-hell Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Well that's better than breeding irresponsibly. I know I'd be a terrible parent because i have emotions, so there.
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2015
Haha!  I certainly don't think that anyone is obligated to parent.  If someone feels they would not parent well, should not parent, or simply doesn't want to parent, then they shouldn't.  Sure is better than becoming a parent with no forethought and then fucking your kid up.  All the agreement here.
Reply
:iconlibrarian-of-hell:
librarian-of-hell Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
:iconfacebooklikeplz:
Reply
:icondarksiderdarmoset:
DarksiderDarmoset Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Spanking is like broccoli. You hate it as a kid, but enjoy it as an adult =)
Reply
:iconnathaliathepony:
Nathaliathepony Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh lol that made me laugh so hard :D
Reply
:iconthegroundedaviator:
TheGroundedAviator Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2015
The double standards of life.
Reply
:iconsupersmurgger:
SuperSmurgger Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
When a man hits a woman, it is called "domestic violence". When a woman hits a man, it is called "domestic violence". When a human hits another human, it is called "assault". When a man hits an animal, it is called "animal abuse". When a child hits an adult, it is called "rebellion, violence or unacceptable behavior". When a child hits a child, he is called "violent, abusive, hyperactive or agressive attitude" [...] But when an adult hits an cild, it is called...DISCIPLINE. We call it education, we call it upbringing, we call it LOVE.

Error 404 : logic not found.

I was raised without spanking and STILL, I also suffer from this mysterious post-traumatic psychological condition called RESPECT for others as well ! No violence in my childhood and I turned out perfectly fine. Spanking is not education, spanking is not discipline, spanking is not LOVE. I am not going to say that it is abuse, because some people were raised with spanking and are as OK as I am. I even heard stories about children who deliberatly chose to be spanked, because they thought it was better from them...but ONLY for them. But that apart, spanking is not good parenting. This method should never be imposed on children who could be raised by other means. It does not teach them well and does not show them that being punished is the part of a loving process. Spanking is not love, it is violence, it is spanking.

You sir restored some faith of mine in humanity with this post, thank you for that ! :heart:
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2015
I'm glad you found it encouraging!  I agree with your assessment and I have determined that I will raise my kid without violence.  We can break that cycle.
Reply
:iconsupersmurgger:
SuperSmurgger Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I like to talk about those subjects ; a few people dare to publicly affirm and advocate their desire for change. And I'm still lucky ! Here in France, people are an overwhelming majority of pro-spanking guys. But their "spanking" still is way less horrible than what I've heard of in the USA or other parts of the world...
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2015
"Spanking" is such a broad term, too.  Some people view it as one light swat with a hand, over clothes.  For others, it means repeatedly striking the child's naked body with an implement until the child is subdued.  I think all forms of striking are bad, but I also think it's a problem that we allow people to define almost any form of violent discipline as "spanking", thus freeing them from criticism or even causing people to congratulate them for their parenting!
Reply
:iconsupersmurgger:
SuperSmurgger Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I was not raised with violence, and the only form of "spanking" I received was your first definition, the light swats over clothed bottom by hand. And I agree with you, spanking is too broad to be precisely supervised by the law.

But I think the real problem is the lack of common sense. I can hardly tolerate people who give light swats, but I don't think it will kill the child (although I persist in thinking that there are other ways ; a parent who needs to hit has failed in his task). However, I do NOT understand who some parents can just bend their kids over the knees in a humiliating position, drop their pants and beat the hell out of them. Some of them don't even hug or comfort afterwards, it disgusts me.
Reply
:iconeternalgeekexposed:
EternalGeekExposed Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2015
Agreed, I think all violent parenting is unethical and less-than-ideal, but my opinion on it ranges from disagreement to horror and disgust.
Reply
:iconsupersmurgger:
SuperSmurgger Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Spanking in "french style" results in disagreement for me. Spanking in other more-violent styles stirr horror and disgust.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconeternalgeekexposed: More from EternalGeekExposed


Featured in Collections

Literature by Random209

Journals and Literature by BlackestQueen


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
August 13, 2013
File Size
11.8 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
5,725
Favourites
46 (who?)
Comments
129
×