Too Gay?

I've been seeing quite a few people condemning gay folks for being "too open", trying to shove gayness in peoples' faces, and making gayness their defining characteristic.  I can't speak for all gay people, but I have just a few things to say about this.


First, how can someone be too open or too forward about who they are?  After all, being gay is nothing to be ashamed of.  Our society has moved past that archaic idea.  Thus, there is no reason should we feel we have to be careful and discreet about how much we reveal about our sexuality.  I don't introduce myself with "hi, I'm Anna and I'm gay," but when conversations on relationships, politics, gay rights, or my significant other come up, I'm not shy about saying that I am a lesbian.  If that offends you, the fault is yours, not mine.


Secondly, many people misinterpret normal behaviors as being innately gay.  I've known straight men that have many stereotypically gay mannerisms and many straight women who wear boyish clothes and act stereotypically masculine.  All they are doing is acting out their personality.  When I wear boyish clothes or act masculine, I am doing the same.  That personality would be mine regardless of my sexuality and I refuse to alter it because someone thinks it is "camp" or "butch".  If it offends you, the fault is yours, not mine.


Thirdly, accepting that I am gay does not mean that it is my sole defining characteristic.  Being open about it doesn't mean that I identify as gay over everything else.  People who claim this are seeing only what they want to see.  I am just as open about being a physicist as I am about being gay.  I am just as open about being a dork as I am about being gay.  I am just as open about supporting my friends as I am about being gay.  I am just as open about liking to cook as I am about being gay.  I am just as open about being a tutor as I am about being gay.  In other words, my entire personality is out of the closet for public view, but some people zero in only on my sexual orientation because that is the part they feel should stay in the closet.  That isn't their decision; it's mine.  If it offends you, the fault is yours, not mine.


Finally, I am aware that I write and speak a lot about gay activism, and my experience with coming out.  This isn't something I am ashamed of.  I have spent a good part of my life feeling shame and fear about admitting this part of me.  Being able to plainly state who I am is a part of the healing process.  Being able to help others who are or were in my situation is part of the healing process and hopefully part of their healing process as well.  How does my openness in any way harm you badly enough to deny us our healing?  If you are offended, the fault is yours, not mine.


People who complain that people are "too gay" need to get over themselves.  We aren't trying to be special snowflakes.  We are trying to be ourselves.  If you are offended, the fault is yours, not ours.